Christopher and Columbus - Cover

Christopher and Columbus

Copyright© 2024 by Elizabeth Von Arnim

Chapter 28

Mr. Twist, his mind at ease, was in the charming room that was to be the tea-room. It was full of scattered fittings and the noise of hammering, but even so anybody could see what a delightful place it would presently turn into.

The Open Arms was to make a specialty of wet days. Those were the days, those consecutive days of downpour that came in the winter and lasted without interruption for a fortnight at a time, when visitors in the hotels were bored beyond expression and ready to welcome anything that could distract them for an hour from the dripping of the rain on the windows. Bridge was their one solace, and they played it from after breakfast till bedtime; but on the fourth or fifth day of doing this, just the mere steady sitting became grievous to them. They ached with weariness. They wilted with boredom. All their natural kindness got damped out of them, and they were cross. Even when they won they were cross, and when they lost it was really distressing. They wouldn’t, of course, have been in California at all at such a time if it were possible to know beforehand when the rains would begin, but one never did know, and often it was glorious weather right up to and beyond Christmas. And then how glorious! What a golden place of light and warmth to be in, while in the East one’s friends were being battered by blizzards.

Mr. Twist intended to provide a break in the day each afternoon for these victims of the rain. He would come to their rescue. He made up his mind, clear and firm on such matters, that it should become the habit of these unhappy people during the bad weather to motor out to The Open Arms for tea; and, full of forethought, he had had a covered way made, by which one could get out of a car and into the house without being touched by a drop of rain, and he had had a huge open fireplace made across the end of the tea-room, which would crackle and blaze a welcome that would cheer the most dispirited arrival. The cakes, at all times wonderful were on wet days to be more than wonderful. Li Koo had a secret receipt, given him, he said, by his mother for cakes of a quite peculiar and original charm, and these were to be reserved for the rainy season only, and be made its specialty. They were to become known and endeared to the public under the brief designation of Wet Day Cakes. Mr. Twist felt there was something thoroughly American about this name—plain and business-like, and attractively in contrast to the subtle, the almost immoral exquisiteness of the article itself. This cake had been one of those produced by Li Koo from the folds of his garments the day in Los Angeles, and Mr. Twist had happened to be the one of his party who ate it. He therefore knew what he was doing when he decided to call it and its like simply Wet Day Cakes.

The twins found him experimenting with a fire in the fireplace so as to be sure it didn’t smoke, and the architect and he were in their shirt sleeves, deftly manipulating wood shavings and logs. There was such a hammering being made by the workmen fixing in the latticed windows, and such a crackling being made by the logs Mr. Twist and the architect kept on throwing on the fire, that only from the sudden broad smile on the architect’s face as he turned to pick up another log did Mr. Twist realize that something that hadn’t to do with work was happening behind his back.

He looked round and saw the Annas picking their way toward him. They seemed in a hurry.

“Hello,” he called out.

They made no reply to this, but continued hurriedly to pick their way among the obstacles in their path. They appeared to be much perturbed. What, he wondered, had they done with Mrs. Bilton? He soon knew.

“We’ve given Mrs. Bilton notice,” panted Anna-Rose as soon as she got near enough to his ear for him to hear her in the prevailing noise.

Her face, as usual when she was moved and excited, was scarlet, her eyes looking bluer and brighter than ever by contrast.

“We simply can’t stand it any longer,” she went on as Mr. Twist only stared at her.

“And you wouldn’t either if you were us,” she continued, the more passionately as he still didn’t say anything.

“Of course,” said Anna-Felicitas, taking a high line, though her heart was full of doubt, “it’s your fault really. We could have borne it if we hadn’t had to have her at night.”

“Come outside,” said Mr. Twist, walking toward the door that led on to the verandah.

They followed him, Anna-Rose shaking with excitement, Anna-Felicitas trying to persuade herself that they had acted in the only way consistent with real wisdom.

The architect stood with a log in each hand looking after them and smiling all by himself. There was something about the Twinklers that lightened his heart whenever he caught sight of them. He and his fellow experts had deplored the absence of opportunities since Mrs. Bilton came of developing the friendship begun the first day, and talked of them on their way home in the afternoons with affectionate and respectful familiarity as The Cutes.

“Now,” said Mr. Twist, having passed through the verandah and led the twins to the bottom of the garden where he turned and faced them, “perhaps you’ll tell me exactly what you’ve done.”

“You should rather inquire what Mrs. Bilton has done,” said Anna-Felicitas, pulling herself up as straight and tall as she would go. She couldn’t but perceive that the excess of Christopher’s emotion was putting her at a disadvantage in the matter of dignity.

“I can guess pretty much what she has done,” said Mr. Twist.

“You can’t—you can’t,” burst out Anna-Rose. “Nobody could—nobody ever could—who hadn’t been with her day and night.”

“She’s just been Mrs. Bilton,” said Mr. Twist, lighting a cigarette to give himself an appearance of calm.

“Exactly,” said Anna-Felicitas. “So you won’t be surprised at our having just been Twinklers.”

“Oh Lord,” groaned Mr. Twist, in spite of his cigarette, “oh, Lord.”

“We’ve given Mrs. Bilton notice,” continued Anna-Felicitas, making a gesture of great dignity with her hand, “because we find with regret that she and we are incompatible.”

“Was she aware that you were giving it her?” asked Mr. Twist, endeavouring to keep calm.

“We wrote it.”

“Has she read it?”

“We put it into her hand, and then came away so that she should have an opportunity of quietly considering it.”

“You shouldn’t have left us alone with her like this,” burst out Anna-Rose again, “you shouldn’t really. It was cruel, it was wrong, leaving us high and dry—never seeing you—leaving us to be talked to day and night—to be read to—would you like to be read to while you’re undressing by somebody still in all their clothes? We’ve never been able to open our mouths. We’ve been taken into the field for our airing and brought in again as if we were newborns, or people in prams, or flocks and herds, or prisoners suspected of wanting to escape. We haven’t had a minute to ourselves day or night. There hasn’t been a single exchange of ideas, not a shred of recognition that we’re grown up. We’ve been followed, watched, talked to—oh, oh, how awful it has been! Oh, oh, how awful! Forced to be dumb for days—losing our power of speech—”

“Anna-Rose Twinkler,” interrupted Mr. Twist sternly, “you haven’t lost it. And you not only haven’t, but that power of yours has increased tenfold during its days of rest.”

 
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