Christopher and Columbus - Cover

Christopher and Columbus

Copyright© 2024 by Elizabeth Von Arnim

Chapter 35

Meanwhile Mr. Twist had driven on towards Acapulco in a state of painful indecision. Should he or shouldn’t he take a turning he knew of a couple of miles farther that led up an unused and practically undrivable track back by the west side to The Open Arms, and instruct Mrs. Bilton to proceed at once down the lane and salvage Anna-Felicitas? Should he or shouldn’t he? For the first mile he decided he would; then, as his anger cooled, he began to think that after all he needn’t worry much. The Annas were lucidly too young for serious philandering, and even if that Elliott didn’t realize this, owing to Anna-Felicitas’s great length, he couldn’t do much before he, Mr. Twist, was back again along the lane. In this he under-estimated the enterprise of the British Navy, but it served to calm him; so that when he did reach the turning he had made up his mind to continue on his way to Acapulco.

There he spent some perplexing and harassing hours.

At the bank his reception was distinctly chilly. He wasn’t used, since his teapot had been on the market, to anything but warmth when he went into a bank. On this occasion even the clerks were cold; and when after difficulty—actual difficulty—he succeeded in seeing the manager, he couldn’t but perceive his unusual reserve. He then remembered what he had put down to mere accident at the time, that as he drove up Main Street half an hour before, all the people he knew had been looking the other way.

From the bank, where he picked up nothing in the way of explanation of the American avoidance of The Open Arms, the manager going dumb at its mere mention, he went to the solicitors who had arranged the sale of the inn, and again in the street people he knew looked the other way. The solicitor, it appeared, wouldn’t be back till the afternoon, and the clerk, an elderly person hitherto subservient, was curiously short about it.

By this time Mr. Twist was thoroughly uneasy, and he determined to ask the first acquaintance he met what the matter was. But he couldn’t find anybody. Every one, his architect, his various experts—those genial and frolicsome young men—were either engaged or away on business somewhere else. He set his teeth, and drove to the Cosmopolitan to seek out old Ridding—it wasn’t a place he drove to willingly after his recent undignified departure, but he was determined to get to the bottom of this thing—and walking into the parlour was instantly aware of a hush falling upon it, a holding of the breath.

In the distance he saw old Ridding, —distinctly; and distinctly he saw that old Ridding saw him. He was sitting at the far end of the great parlour, facing the entrance, by the side of something vast and black heaped up in the adjacent chair. He had the look on his pink and naturally pleasant face of one who has abandoned hope. On seeing Mr. Twist a ray of interest lit him up, and he half rose. The formless mass in the next chair which Mr. Twist had taken for inanimate matter, probably cushions and wraps, and now perceived was one of the higher mammals, put out a hand and said something, —at least, it opened that part of its face which is called a mouth but which to Mr. Twist in the heated and abnormal condition of his brain seemed like the snap-to of some great bag, —and at that moment a group of people crossed the hall in front of old Ridding, and when the path was again clear the chair that had contained him was empty. He had disappeared. Completely. Only the higher mammal was left, watching Mr. Twist with heavy eyes like two smouldering coals.

He couldn’t face those eyes. He did try to, and hesitated while he tried, and then he found he couldn’t; so he swerved away to the right, and went out quickly by the side door.

There was now one other person left who would perhaps clear him up as to the meaning of all this, and he was the lawyer he had gone to about the guardianship. True he had been angry with him at the time, but that was chiefly because he had been angry with himself. At bottom he had carried away an impression of friendliness. To this man he would now go as a last resource before turning back home, and once more he raced up Main Street in his Ford, producing by these repeated appearances an effect of agitation and restlessness that wasn’t lost on the beholders.

The lawyer was in his office, and disengaged. After his morning’s experience Mr. Twist was quite surprised and much relieved by being admitted at once. He was received neither coldly nor warmly, but with unmistakable interest.

“I’ve come to consult you,” said Mr. Twist.

The lawyer nodded. He hadn’t supposed he had come not to consult him, but he was used to patience with clients, and he well knew their preference in conversation for the self-evident.

“I want a straight answer to a straight question,” said Mr. Twist, his great spectacles glaring anxiously at the lawyer who again nodded.

“Go on,” he said, as Mr. Twist paused.

“What I want to know is,” burst out Mr. Twist, “what the hell—”

The lawyer put up a hand. “One moment, Mr. Twist,” he said. “Sorry to interrupt—”

And he got up quickly, and went to a door in the partition between his office and his clerks’ room.

“You may go out to lunch now,” he said, opening it a crack.

He then shut it, and came back to his seat at the table.

“Yes, Mr. Twist?” he said, settling down again. “You were inquiring what the hell—?”

“Well, I was about to,” said Mr. Twist, suddenly soothed, “but you’re so calm—”

“Of course I’m calm. I’m a quietly married man.”

“I don’t see what that’s got to do with it.”

“Everything. For some dispositions, everything. Mine is one. Yours is another.”

“Well, I guess I’ve not come here to talk about marriage. What I want to know is why—”

“Quite so,” said the lawyer, as he stopped. “And I can tell you. It’s because your inn is suspected of being run in the interests of the German Government.”

A deep silence fell upon the room. The lawyer watched Mr. Twist with a detached and highly intelligent interest. Mr. Twist stared at the lawyer, his kind, lavish lips fallen apart. Anger had left him. This blow excluded anger. There was only room in him for blank astonishment.

“You know about my teapot?” he said at last.

“Try me again, Mr. Twist.”

“It’s on every American breakfast table.”

“Including my own.”

“They wouldn’t use it if they thought—”

“My dear sir, they’re not going to,” said the lawyer. “They’re proposing, among other little plans for conveying the general sentiment to your notice, to boycott the teapot. It is to be put on an unofficial black list. It is to be banished from the hotels.”

Mr. Twist’s stare became frozen. The teapot boycotted? The teapot his mother and sister depended on and The Open Arms depended on, and all his happiness, and the twins? He saw the rumour surging over America in great swift waves, that the proceeds of the Twist Non-Trickler were used for Germany. He saw—but what didn’t he see in that moment of submerged horror? Then he seemed to come to the surface again and resume reason with a gasp. “Why?” he asked.

“Why they’re wanting to boycott the teapot?”

“No. Why do they think the inn—”

“The Miss Twinklers are German.”

“Half.”

 
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