The Vanishing Man: a Detective Romance
Copyright© 2024 by R. Austin Freeman
Chapter 6: Sidelights
The association of coal with potatoes is one upon which I have frequently speculated, without arriving at any more satisfactory explanation than that both products are of the earth, earthy. Of the connection itself Barnard’s practice furnished several instances besides Mrs. Jablett’s establishment in Fleur-de-Lys Court, one of which was a dark and mysterious cavern a foot below the level of the street, that burrowed under an ancient house on the west side of Fetter Lane —a crinkly, timber house of the three-decker type that leaned back drunkenly from the road as if about to sit down in its own back yard.
Passing this repository of the associated products about ten o’clock in the morning, I perceived in the shadow of the cavern no less a person than Miss Oman. She saw me at the same moment, and beckoned peremptorily with a hand that held a large Spanish onion. I approached with a deferential smile.
“What a magnificent onion, Miss Oman! and how generous of you to offer it to me—”
“I wasn’t offering it to you. But there! Isn’t it just like a man—”
“Isn’t what just like a man?” I interrupted. “If you mean the onion—”
“I don’t!” she snapped; “and I wish you wouldn’t talk such a parcel of nonsense. A grown man and a member of a serious profession, too! You ought to know better.”
“I suppose I ought,” I said reflectively. And she continued:
“I called in at the surgery just now.”
“To see me?”
“What else should I come for? Do you suppose that I called to consult the bottle-boy?”
“Certainly not, Miss Oman. So you find the lady doctor no use, after all?”
Miss Oman gnashed her teeth at me (and very fine teeth they were, too).
“I called,” she said majestically, “on behalf of Miss Bellingham.”
My facetiousness evaporated instantly. “I hope Miss Bellingham is not ill,” I said with a sudden anxiety that elicited a sardonic smile from Miss Oman.
“No,” was the reply, “she is not ill, but she has cut her hand rather badly. It’s her right hand, too, and she can’t afford to lose the use of it, not being a great, hulking, lazy, lolloping man. So you had better go and put some stuff on it.”
With this advice, Miss Oman whisked to the right-about and vanished into the depths of the cavern like the Witch of Wokey, while I hurried on to the surgery to provide myself with the necessary instruments and materials, and thence proceeded to Nevill’s Court.
Miss Oman’s juvenile maid-servant, who opened the door to me, stated the existing conditions with epigrammatic conciseness:
“Mr. Bellingham is hout, sir; but Miss Bellingham is hin.”
Having thus delivered herself she retreated towards the kitchen and I ascended the stairs, at the head of which I found Miss Bellingham awaiting me with her right hand encased in what looked like a white boxing-glove.
“I am glad you have come,” she said. “Phyllis—Miss Oman, you know—has kindly bound up my hand, but I should like you to see that it is all right.”
We went into the sitting-room, where I laid out my paraphernalia on the table while I inquired into the particulars of the accident.
“It is most unfortunate that it should have happened just now,” she said, as I wrestled with one of those remarkable feminine knots that, while they seem to defy the utmost efforts of human ingenuity to untie, yet have a singular habit of untying themselves at inopportune moments.
“Why just now, in particular?” I asked.
“Because I have some specially important work to do. A very learned lady who is writing a historical book has commissioned me to collect all the literature relating to the Tell el Amarna letters—the cuneiform tablets, you know, of Amenhotep the Fourth.”
“Well,” I said soothingly, “I expect your hand will soon be well.”
“Yes, but that won’t do. The work has to be done immediately. I have to send in the completed notes not later than this day week, and it will be quite impossible. I am dreadfully disappointed.”
By this time I had unwound the voluminous wrappings and exposed the injury—a deep gash in the palm that must have narrowly missed a good-sized artery. Obviously the hand would be useless for fully a week.
“I suppose,” she said, “you couldn’t patch it up so that I could write with it?”
I shook my head.
“No, Miss Bellingham. I shall have to put it on a splint. We can’t run any risks with a deep wound like this.”
“Then I shall have to give up the commission, and I don’t know how my client will get the work done in the time. You see, I am pretty well up in the literature of Ancient Egypt; in fact, I was to receive special payment on that account. And it would have been such an interesting task, too. However, it can’t be helped.”
I proceeded methodically with the application of the dressings, and meanwhile reflected. It was evident that she was deeply disappointed. Loss of work meant loss of money, and it needed but a glance at her rusty black dress to see that there was little margin for that. Possibly, too, there was some special need to be met. Her manner seemed almost to imply that there was. And at this point I had a brilliant idea.
“I’m not sure that it can’t be helped,” said I.
She looked at me inquiringly, and I continued: “I am going to make a proposition, and I shall ask you to consider it with an open mind.”
“That sounds rather portentous,” said she; “but I promise. What is it?”
“It is this: When I was a student I acquired the useful art of writing shorthand. I am not a lightning reporter, you understand, but I can take matter down from dictation at quite respectable speed.”
“Yes.”
“Well, I have several hours free every day—usually, the whole of the afternoon up to six or half-past—and it occurs to me that if you were to go to the Museum in the mornings you could get out your books, look up passages (you could do that without using your right hand), and put in book-marks. Then I could come along in the afternoon and you could read out the selected passages to me, and I could take them down in shorthand. We should get through as much in a couple of hours as you could in a day using longhand.”
“Oh, but how kind of you, Doctor Berkeley!” she exclaimed. “How very kind! Of course, I couldn’t think of taking up all your leisure in that way; but I do appreciate your kindness very much.”
I was rather chapfallen at this very definite refusal, but persisted feebly:
“I wish you would. It may seem rather cheek for a comparative stranger like me to make such a proposal to a lady; but if you’d been a man—in these special circumstances—I should have made it all the same, and you would have accepted as a matter of course.”
“I doubt that. At any rate, I am not a man. I sometimes wish I were.”
“Oh, I am sure you are much better as you are!” I exclaimed, with such earnestness that we both laughed. And at this moment Mr. Bellingham entered the room carrying several large and evidently brand-new books in a strap.
“Well, I’m sure!” he exclaimed genially; “here are pretty goings on. Doctor and patient giggling like a pair of schoolgirls! What’s the joke?”
He thumped his parcel of books down on the table and listened smilingly while my unconscious witticism was expounded.
“The Doctor’s quite right,” he said. “You’ll do as you are, chick; but the Lord knows what sort of man you would make. You take his advice and let well alone.”
Finding him in this genial frame of mind, I ventured to explain my proposition to him and to enlist his support. He considered it with attentive approval, and when I had finished turned to his daughter.
“What is your objection, chick?” he asked.
“It would give Doctor Berkeley such a fearful lot of work,” she answered.
“It would give him a fearful lot of pleasure,” I said. “It would, really.”
“Then why not?” said Mr. Bellingham. “We don’t mind being under an obligation to the Doctor, do we?”
“Oh, it wasn’t that!” she exclaimed hastily.
“Then take him at his word. He means it. It is a kind action and he’ll like doing it, I’m sure. That’s all right, Doctor; she accepts, don’t you, chick?”
“Yes, if you say so, I do; and most thankfully.”
She accompanied the acceptance with a gracious smile that was in itself a large payment on account, and when we had made the necessary arrangements, I hurried away in a state of the most perfect satisfaction to finish my morning’s work and order an early lunch.
When I called for her a couple of hours later I found her waiting in the garden with the shabby handbag, of which I relieved her, and we set forth together, watched jealously by Miss Oman, who had accompanied her to the gate.
As I walked up the court with this wonderful maid by my side I could hardly believe in my good fortune. By her presence and my own resulting happiness the mean surroundings became glorified and the commonest objects transfigured into things of beauty. What a delightful thoroughfare, for instance, was Fetter Lane, with its quaint charm and mediaeval grace! I snuffed the cabbage-laden atmosphere and seemed to breathe the scent of the asphodel. Holborn was even as the Elysian Fields; the omnibus that bore us westward was a chariot of glory; and the people who swarmed verminously on the pavements bore the semblance of the children of light.
Love is a foolish thing judged by workaday standards, and the thoughts and actions of lovers foolish beyond measure. But the workaday standard is the wrong one, after all; for the utilitarian mind does but busy itself with the trivial and transitory interests of life, behind which looms the great and everlasting reality of the love of man and woman. There is more significance in a nightingale’s song in the hush of a summer night than in all the wisdom of Solomon (who, by the way, was not without his little experiences of the tender passion).
The janitor in the little glass box by the entrance to the library inspected us and passed us on, with a silent benediction, to the lobby, whence (when I had handed my stick to a bald-headed demigod and received a talismanic disc in exchange) we entered the enormous rotunda of the reading-room.
I have often thought that, if some lethal vapour of highly preservative properties—such as formaldehyde, for instance—could be shed into the atmosphere of this apartment, the entire and complete collection of books and bookworms would be well worth preserving, for the enlightenment of posterity, as a sort of anthropological appendix to the main collection of the Museum. For, surely, nowhere else in the world are so many strange and abnormal human beings gathered together in one place. And a curious question that must have occurred to many observers is: Whence do these singular creatures come, and whither do they go when the very distinct-faced clock (adjusted to literary eye-sight) proclaims closing time? The tragic-faced gentleman, for instance, with the corkscrew ringlets that bob up and down like spiral springs as he walks? Or the short, elderly gentleman in the black cassock and bowler hat, who shatters your nerves by turning suddenly and revealing himself as a middle-aged woman? Whither do they go? One never sees them elsewhere. Do they steal away at closing time into the depths of the Museum and hide themselves until morning in sarcophagi or mummy cases? Or do they creep through spaces in the book-shelves and spend the night behind the volumes in a congenial atmosphere of leather and antique paper? Who can say? What I do know is that when Ruth Bellingham entered the reading-room she appeared in comparison with these like a creature of another order; even as the head of Antinous, which formerly stood (it has since been moved) amidst the portrait-busts of the Roman Emperors, seemed like the head of a god set in a portrait gallery of illustrious baboons.
“What have we got to do?” I asked when we had found a vacant seat. “Do you want to look up the catalogue?”
“No, I have the tickets in my bag. The books are waiting in the ‘kept books’ department.”
I placed my hat on the leather-covered shelf, dropped her gloves into it—how delightfully intimate and companionable it seemed!—altered the numbers on the tickets, and then we proceeded together to the “kept books” desk to collect the volumes that contained the material for our day’s work.
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