Chapter 6: Hotting Up?

Yet another of the great problems of our time was recently put before that consummate cogitator, Sir Bertram Utterside, former professor of social studies at one of Britain’s most prestigious universities. On this occasion, he was asked to address the intertwining subjects of global warming and carbon dioxide levels. He has dealt with several weighty issues, offering solutions which, though perhaps intellectually incontestable, have usually been controversial. As ever, his report was eagerly awaited. It is given below, in his typically mordant prose:

I was quite pleased to be charged with this task, as it is one of the few worthy of my attention. When the matter was referred to me, I felt obligated to interrupt a sojourn at my local abattoir, where I was attempting to confirm the correctness of my conversion to vegetarianism, which took place some time ago. I will not expand on this, beyond saying that there will be no more Sir Loin for Sir Bertram – a little pun for those who maintain that I have no sense of humour.

We are currently bombarded with information concerning the allegedly intolerable consequences of our actions. Rubbish! This stuff comes a bunch of cry-babies who always purport to know what is wrong, but are never able to tell us what is right. It has been noted that the carbon dioxide content of our air has risen from 280 to 380 parts per million (ppm) over the last century and a half, and that we cannot survive a level of more than 450ppm. I accept the figures, but the conclusion is nonsense. Over the ages, we have made great progress and have changed as required. Why should we not continue to do so? Those who think that we are Nature’s last word will find no comfort here.