Chapter 78: Broadcasting With A Difference

Alan: Take a seat, Tony. You’d better make yourself comfortable because you’ve some explaining to do.

Tony: I don’t know what you mean, Alan. I thought everything was going nicely.

Alan: Oh, you did, did you? Well, let me tell you what I want to know. Three weeks ago, I took a hard-earned and overdue holiday. I returned today and found a totally unsatisfactory state of affairs here. Kindly tell me how this came about.

Tony: What’s wrong?

Alan: Where do I start? Perhaps by reminding you that we are a local commercial radio station, much like many others but admittedly smaller than most. We rely on advertising to keep us going. In case you’ve overlooked the point, adverts are supposed to be legal, decent, honest and truthful.

Tony: Truthful, shmoothful. What does it matter so long as the mazuma rolls in?

Alan: Mazuma?

Tony: Right. Mazuma, cabbage, spondulicks, moolah, frogskins, the folding. You do speak English, don’t you?

Alan: Yes. It’s getting through to me that you mean money, but the important thing is how we come by it. We’re supposed to do so ethically – and if you say: ‘Ethically, shmethically,’ I’ll brain you.

Tony: This is strong stuff, Alan. Where do you reckon I’ve gone wrong?

Alan: Everywhere would be a good start. Where did you find these characters you’ve hauled in during my absence?

Tony: I didn’t. They were recommended to come here.

Alan: By whom? Crime International? The ‘Mob’? The ‘Syndicate’? Just look at the identities of these companies you’ve allowed to pollute the airwaves in our name.

Tony: What about them?

Alan: Let us first consider this firm of lawyers. I know such people are into advertising nowadays, but there are limits. For one thing, look at the name.

Tony: Is there something wrong with it?

Alan: Oiler & Wheeling did not fill me with confidence, so I did a little checking. The company was set up two weeks ago and it does not employ anyone with either of the names its title suggests. By the way, I imagine you are unaware of the fact that this firm is the UK subsidiary of an American outfit rejoicing in the name Arty & Dodge.