Madazine
Copyright© 2017 by Scriptorius
Chapter 86: The Hearing
Extract from the record of a court case held in the Judge’s chambers
Prosecutor: Now, Miss Gloat –
Defendant: It’s Ms Gloat, and don’t you forget it.
Prosecutor: Very well, Ms Gloat. I put it to you that late in the evening of the twenty-fourth of March you did, wilfully and with malice aforethought, enter the home of your next-door neighbour, Mrs Vinaigrette Mountbrace, and place in her bed a convincingly executed plastic model of a dead mouse, causing –
Defendant: I did no such thing and you can’t prove that I did. I know nothing about any mouse.
Prosecutor: Well, that’s all right then. We will move on to the second charge against you.
Defendant: Not so fast. If the mouse was made of plastic, it would have been dead, wouldn’t it?
Prosecutor: No doubt, but I have just said that we are about to address the second charge.
The Judge: Just a moment, Mr Beanforth, you are supposed to be the prosecuting counsel in this case, yet you have made no effort to disprove Miss –
Defendant: It’s Ms. Are you deaf?
The Judge: Partially, but kindly curb your impertinence or contempt of court will be added to the charges you face. Now, Mr Beanforth, what have you to say to my intervention?
Prosecutor: Only that Your Honour was somewhat hasty in saying that I have not tried to prove the first charge.
The Judge: Explain.
Prosecutor: I am merely attempting to lull the defendant into a false sense of security before I return to the mouse matter and execute the decisive thrust.
The Judge: You are going about your business in a strange way, but proceed.
Prosecutor: Thank you, Your Honour. Miss Gloat –
Defendant: It’s Ms. How many more times do I have to say that?
Prosecutor: Sorry. Now let us finally get to the second charge, which is that, following the incident involving Mrs Mountbrace and the mouse –
Defendant: Alleged mouse.
Prosecutor: As you wish. However, following the incident described in the first charge, you responded to the involvement of Mr Percy Mountbrace in the affair by striking him in his left eye with a bent stick. Why?
Defendant: Because I couldn’t find a straight one, and I didn’t do that either. Anyway, it didn’t hurt him and it would be the left eye because I’m right-handed, so his left side would be the most likely target, wouldn’t it?
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