Chapter 151: The Rose Garden of Hell

Tuesday, July 16, 2002

Unsurprisingly, several of the networks ran excerpts of my speech during their graduation speech highlight reels. They seemed to run about evenly between some of the last few laugh lines, and the section about zipping up a body bag. Comedy or drama, you pick. For his part, John McCain returned to Annapolis like a conquering hero. A decorated combat aviator who had spent five years in the Hanoi Hilton, he gave a nicely rousing speech, and then ordered that Navy had to beat Army in December. We had won the last year, so I was going to have to bust John’s chops when we beat his team again.

Marilyn got into the act, too. Some early birds began requesting the First Lady speak in 2003. Plattsburgh State, her alma mater, got to her first, requesting that she speak at their next graduation, the 25^th anniversary of her graduation. When she asked me what to do, I told her to go for it. She could tell all the other graduates how high they could climb if they married well. That cost me an elbow to the ribs and a lot of squawking and a very nice diamond bracelet. I should have learned by then to keep my mouth shut. It was like Oprah said, groveling was good, but groveling with diamonds was even better.

After the graduations, it was back to Washington. Marilyn and the girls moved down to the White House. We had their 18^th birthday party there, and brought many of the Lefleurs down, as well as the Rottingens. We kept it private and I don’t think the media ever twigged to the fact that they had a birthday.

I also had to sign some bills into law. It was an election year, making the summer recess extra long, so that everybody could go home and get about their regular job of running for reelection. I had about three weeks at the end of June, and about three weeks at the end of July to sign stuff, otherwise kiss it off. I spent a lot of time kissing Congressional ass getting stuff out of committee and through the voting process, so that I could sign it. Fortunately, if you scheduled the signing ceremony in the morning, you could do it in the Rose Garden and it wouldn’t be too warm. Summer in Washington could be damn hot and muggy, and heavy perspiration on camera was not photogenic.

Tuesday morning the 16^th, I was signing the Safeguarding the Sea Frontiers Act into law. It was a massive recapitalization of the Coast Guard. For years they had gotten f•©k all for respect from the other services, and f•©k all for funding from Congress, and an ever-increasing number of jobs from the Commander in Chief. Their ships were so old their bottoms were rust held together by paint, their aircraft were ancient and held together by baling wire and chewing gum, and their sailors and officers were overburdened and as tired as their equipment. Yet despite all that, they still managed to perform magnificently at an endless and varied string of jobs.

Never let a good crisis go to waste. In the name of protecting our maritime borders from crazy Islamic fanatics (which needed to be done, not being cynical about it) we were going to massively recapitalize the Coast Guard. New cutters, new helos, additional authorized personnel, upgraded facilities and electronics, even a brand new half-billion-dollar heavy ice breaker - billions were being authorized.

It was supposed to be warm, mid-to-high 70s, and dry, so we wanted to do it before lunch. Later in the week was even hotter, up into the 80s or higher. It was a typical Rose Garden Ceremony, with a podium to speak from, a table to sign the bill at (a simple wooden table with the Presidential Seal on the front), and a semi-circle of VIPs behind me, while another semi-circle of cameras and reporters faced me.

The VIPs included the usual suspects, like the Commandant of the Coast Guard, Admiral Tom Collins, and the Secretary of Transportation, Norm Mineta. They had an obvious interest in increasing funding and had been happy to cooperate. The real powerhouse behind the bill, however, had been the Vice President. Senator McCain had been the Chairman of the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation before the Dems took back the Senate, and he knew everybody involved, their strengths, their weaknesses, and where all the bodies were buried. If it was legal to let John sign the bill, I would have let him do it. Since it wasn’t, he was going to be standing right behind me, and would be getting the first ceremonial pen.