Chapter 3: The Reason Why

Let us, then, be what we are, and speak what we think, and
in all things
Keep ourselves loyal to truth.’—Longfellow.

‘General Forsyth, may I speak to you for a few minutes?’

It was after breakfast the next morning that I made this request. I was determined to have the matter settled as soon as possible.

‘Certainly,’ my guardian said, looking at me in some surprise. ‘Come into the library, for we shall be undisturbed there.’

He led the way, politely handed me a chair, and then stood leaning his back against the mantel-piece and stroking his moustache, giving me at the same time a keen glance from under his shaggy eyebrows.

‘Well,’ he said, ‘what is it? Do you want any money?’

‘No,’ I said a little nervously; ‘it is quite another matter;’ then gathering courage, I looked him straight in the face and said, ‘General Forsyth, I think you expect me to go to those theatricals at the Walkers’ next week. I cannot do it.’

‘Indeed!’ he said lightly, ‘is it a question of dress? What is the difficulty?’

‘No, it is not that. I want to tell you now, for I think it may save difficulties afterwards. I do not wish to lead a gay life: I cannot go to dances or theatres with an easy conscience. Don’t think it a mere whim or passing fancy; it is a matter of principle with me. I have given myself to God for His service, and I look at everything in that light, and from that standpoint.’

General Forsyth looked amused.

‘Don’t put so much tragedy in your tone, child! Since when have you taken up these peculiar notions?’

‘About two or three months ago,’ I replied. ‘It has made a great difference in my life. I thought if I explained my reason to you, you would not press me to go to things which are thoroughly distasteful to me.’

‘If it is only a couple of months since you formed these views, I think you will find that time will alter them, Hilda. I should like to state to you that, according to your father’s will, I am to have full control of your money until you marry, or if that does not occur soon, until you are thirty years of age. After that you are your own mistress. Are you aware of this?’

‘I did not quite understand it so,’ I said, wondering at the turn our conversation was taking.

‘I tell you this because it explains our position towards each other. So much for the terms of the will. Now for what will touch you closer: I was with your father when he died in India; he was one of my dearest friends, as you know, and on his dying bed he made me promise that when your education was finished I should look after you as one of my own daughters, see that you were given every advantage due to the position in society that he meant you to occupy, and in fact be to you what he would have been had he lived. I know what his views were for you, and those views I shall conscientiously try to further whilst you are with me. I shall not countenance for a moment your hiding away from friends of your parents, and others with whom I wish you to associate. A time will come when you will thank me for my firmness now, and for refusing to allow you to sacrifice all your prospects in life to some morbid fancies that you must have picked up in some Dissenting chapel.’

I was silent for a moment, then I said, —

‘I think my father would have wished me to be happy, General Forsyth; I cannot go against my conscience in this matter, it would make me wretched. I do feel very grateful to you for giving me a home; but indeed I would rather go away and earn my own living than lead the life you have planned out for me.’

‘We will not discuss the matter further,’ said General Forsyth icily; ‘I have told you my wishes on the subject. If I am to treat you as one of my own daughters, you will accompany them wherever they go. I am accustomed to be obeyed in my own house, and I do not think you will deliberately oppose my wishes for you.’

‘I am sorry to displease you,’ I said in a low voice, ‘but in this one respect I feel I am right in acting so’; and then I left the room with a heavy heart. I went out into the garden a little later, and made my way to a quiet spot in a plantation near the house, where I had found a delightful little nook to sit in, and there I took my Bible and had a quiet read and prayer. General Forsyth was not in to luncheon, but I saw from Mrs. Forsyth’s face that he had told her of our interview. She said very little to me, and when the theatricals were mentioned at the table she changed the subject at once.